This paper provides a snapshot of the Top Ten free, digital Men's Health magazine articles, accessed on a randomly selected day, that can be viewed as a collection; both a product for readership consumption and a construct of readership priorities. Through close textual analysis, we examine how discourses about masculinity, heterosex and consumerism have intersected to create a model of masculinity based on the discipline of male pleasure, which impacts on men's approach to female pleasure and gender dynamics. The analysis contributes to the developing research about the sexual and bodily discourses the magazine promotes and identifies a model of masculinity where men can 'have their cake and eat it'; seeming to adhere to ideals of gender equality and reciprocity while retaining their traditional patriarchal position of producer/provider. They are encouraged to do so by approaching female orgasm as a product, which they can 'purchase' through adhering to Men's Health magazine's sexual advice and bodily labour at control, delay and discipline of their own pleasure and orgasm. We argue that this approach to sex disenfranchises men, and in turn their partners, of opportunities to access alternative models of embodied pleasure.